My T'hy'la
by kagura77
Summary: ONE SHOT! Kirk insists on going down with the landing party and as always, Spock objects. But what happens when Spock accidentally touches kirk and sees that he's thinking of kissing him?


I stared across the bridge at Spock, working diligently and unaware of the inner turmoil he caused in my heart, mind and soul. I wanted to tell him that I love him, with all my heart. But him being a Vulcan, he would probably would say that such an emotion for one of the same gender was illogical. Worse, he could be disgusted… He's my best friend, if I said anything, he might just start avoiding me. I would lose my friend and make things uncomfortable for the entire crew…

"Captain, we are in position at the unidentified planet and on standby to beam down the landing party." Sulu informed me. I returned my attention to the view of the planet in front of us. It was supposedly uninhabited and we were ordered to survey the planet and report any findings. It loomed in front of us in hues on pink, purple and blue. Frankly, it looked just plain girly but still, I was never one to turn down an opportunity to explore foreign planets.

"Alright, suit up Mr. Spock. Uhura, notify Dr. McCoy and the science officers. Sulu, you have the con." I instructed, getting up and heading to the lift. Spock stepped in a moment after me, his hands formally tucked behind his back.

"Captain, as usual I must insist that you do not go down with the landing party." Spock said formally. With a sigh I pressed the button that stopped the lift and felt my heart pounding in my chest. He raised an eyebrow when I met his eyes and I fought against the urge to shove him against the wall and kiss him.

"What kind of Captain sits in the ship and lets his crew do all the work?" I said, shaking my head and clenching my jaw. "We discussed this, I can't just sit here, cooped up, I want to explore and discover!"

"But if anything were to happen to you-."

"Spock, I already died, what worse can happen to me?" I asked, feeling guilty when he flinched.

"I rather not discuss this Captain. We are holding up the landing party." He said, looking away.

"Spock, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up." I whispered, taking an involuntary step towards him. His eyes, dark and almost hungry, locked on to mine and I felt my breath hitch. My lips parted to say something more and he stepped forward, effectively interrupting me by reaching around me for the lift button. But all I could think of were his lips in close proximity to mine and as he reached past, his hand brushed my skin and he froze before he could reach the button.

Our eyes met again and I swallowed hard. Shit, touch telepath.

"Captain-."

"Forget it Spock, and stay out of my god damn head. Fucking hell." I yelled, spinning around and practically punching the button. He remained silent for the rest of the ride and when the doors opened and Bones walked in to join us he seemed to notice my expression and the tension in the air.

"He told you not to go down with the landing party again, didn't he?" He remarked, looking between us. Spock was still and there was no emotion on his face but I could almost feel his anger rolling off of him.

Me, on the other hand, I had my fists clenched and I was seething. How dare he touch me and invade my mind! A rational part reminded me that it wasn't on purpose and also was telling me that he didn't complain or object to my thoughts but I shoved the voice aside.

"Yes." I growled, stalking out of the lift. The other crew members saw my expression and a cadet warily handed me my pack and a phaser.

"Don't let it impede your judgment, Jimbo. You're scaring the ensigns." Bones said quietly. I took a deep breath, forced my body to relax and then grinned. "Good enough."

"Alright, you know the drill. Stay alert, examine the plant life and any friendlies we come across. Stay in your assigned groups. Spock-."

"I will be going with you Captain." He said tersely. I blinked, trying not to hit him or start a screaming match in front of everyone. As it was, they were staring between us.

"Spock you were assigned-."

"I insist." He said, meeting my eyes with a gaze that said end of discussion.

"I'll lead the second group Jim, just let him go with you." Bones said quietly, rolling his eyes.

"Fine." I spat. "Dr. McCoy will lead the second group while myself and Mr. Spock will lead the first. Stick to the areas drawn up on your padds and comm me if there are any problems."

"All set, Captain." Scotty called. I nodded, taking my place on the transporter pad and holding in a growl when Spock immediately took the pad to my right and Bones to my left.

"Alright. Energize." We were consumed in swirling lights and I closed my eyes. A hand lightly touched my cheek for a moment and I blinked them open. Spock was turning his back to me and I had to suppress a sigh. Looking around me at the trees with purple leaves and blue trunks I grinned. Nothing like exploring a new Planet to make you forget.

"Now, Jim, let me remind you that you'll only have a medical _ensign_ with you and to try not to get killed." Bones said, clapping me on the shoulder before turning to the group of ensigns beaming down to the planet. I rolled my eyes, looking around until I see Spock holding an instrument up to what looked like a multi colored fern. The look on his face was pure amazement. That's one of the reasons I liked going with the landing party. The look on his face when he's surveying is just…. It makes my heart melt and suddenly I can't remember what I'm mad about.

"So, what is it?" I asked gently, coming up beside him. He looked up at me and I can see in his eyes that if he weren't a Vulcan he'd be grinning from ear to ear. Oh Spock, I wish I could tell you how I feel about you, I wish you knew how my heart flutters when you look at me like that.

"It appears as though it has healing properties, though I am unable to determine if it is able to be used on other species. Perhaps we can take a specimen and study it more in the labs aboard the Enterprise." He said, sounding breathless. I smirked at him and reached over, retrieving a specimen container from his pack and handing it to him.

"That good, or do you need a larger one?" I asked. He was staring at me intently, his hand just above the container and the look in his eyes was something I'd never seen before but couldn't place.

"No, this should be adequate. Thank you, Captain." He said quietly. Gently, he took the jar from my hand, careful not to touch me. I love you Spock, I love you so much, please, can't you see how much you mean to me. With a sigh, I dropped my hand, turning away. I felt a prick in the neck and I cried out, raising my hand.

"Bones!" I yelled, feeling a dart like object sticking out. I looked around for an assailant and saw a purple flower closing its petals and withdrawing in to the leaves of the fern. Slowly, another was coming out and my eyes widened, quickly grabbing my comm.

"Kirk to Enterprise, beam everyone up NOW!" I yelled.

"Right away Captain." Scotty said. I saw ensigns looking startled to be leaving so soon but my eyes were locked on Spock, who just closed the specimen jar and put it in to his pack.

"No…" I whispered, seeing the flower start to unfold. I was feeling dizzy and nauseous but I flew forward, knocking Spock to the ground just as something shot out of the flower, hitting me in the arm as we tumbled to the ground. I felt like a brick, I could hear Spock talking to me, but all I could do was lay there on top of him as my eyes fluttered and lights spun around us.

"Fuck." I heard Bones mutter, earning a groan from me as he carefully extracted a needle from my neck and arm. "What happened to not getting killed, just this once!"

"It was gonna… Shoot Spock." I mumbled, feeling Spock tense under me.

"And you took two doses of what I can only assume is poison, Jim! Poison that I can't identify!" He yelled. He went to lift me but grunted. "Fuck, did you gain five hundred pounds or do you not want to get off of the hobgoblin?"

"Doctor, allow me." Spock said, gently wrapping his arms around me and moving me up with him. My head slipped in to the crook of his neck and I held back a sigh of content. My eyes felt glued shut and I feebly attempted to move my arm, only to have several hands grip me and lift me on to a stretcher. I cried out, my face contorting in pain as it felt like fire and ice were warring in my veins.

"Spock." I whispered. "The fern, the pretty one, that's where the flower came from."

"It must have been aggravated by my taking a sample. I apologize Captain, this is my fault." He said. The world started to rock and I clenched my teeth to hold back a scream.

"Wait, you examined the plant that did this to him?" Bones asked, sounding frazzled.

"Yes, I will review the information, perhaps I can find an antidote…." His voice trailed off and I was worried that he left.

"He's right here, Jim." Bones said as I heard the doors to the med lab open.

"Who is?" I asked. My voice sounded strained even to my ears.

"You just yelled out for me Captain. I will not leave your side if that is what you wish." Spock said as the stretcher came to a stop.

"I would like it if you stayed but if you don't want to…. I don't remember yelling…" I said, confused and a little embarrassed.

"Alright, he can stay but he needs to get that information now. All I can do right now is numb the pain and make it so you can open your damn eyes… Other than that, I'm clueless…" Bones sounded defeated and I felt the pain of a hypo and it was instant. The fire and ice were still fighting but it was dull enough and a sigh escaped my lips. I felt my body relax more and I slowly blinked my eyes open in the harsh light, immediately finding Spock's strained face as he looked over a padd.

"Doctor, if I cannot find an antidote, will he live?" Spock said, trying to not be heard. Bones looked over and met my eyes, the question in his eyes. I nodded, giving him consent to just flat out say it.

"No." He said, turning away, his shoulders slumped. After several more seconds examining the padd he suddenly threw it across the room with a yell, causing me to jump and then groan in pain. He looked over at me, startled to see that my eyes were open.

"How can a plant with such…. Pretty leaves be dangerous." I said with a chuckle. "Please, if anyone asks how I died, do not tell them it was by a rainbow fern."

"You are not dying…." He trailed off and his eyes widened. "The specimen! It has healing properties, perhaps it is the antidote!"

"Yeah, but you said it might not work on humans." I said as he commed someone to come bring the doctor the specimen.

"I cannot let you die again." He whispered, moving to my bedside and gripping the side. I felt my consciousness fading and saw the realization as my eyes flickered. "No! Stay awake Jim!"

It was the first time I had heard him say my name and it was amazing. With a deep breath I used the last of my strength to lean forward and capture his two fingers with mine in a Vulcan kiss. His breath hitched and I smiled, looking at the shock on his face before he leaned down, resting a hand on my cheek while gently kissing my lips. I closed my eyes, kissing him back before going limp, his hand suddenly gripping on to mine as he yelled my name.

I groaned, feeling like I was hit by a truck as I blinked my eyes open, temporarily blinded by the harsh light of the med bay. Oh yeah, I had been poisoned… Flashes of Spock kissing me made me blush as I smiled. So he did care about me…

"Thank god you reminded that pointy eared bastard about that specimen, it saved your life." Bones said, poking and prodding me.

"Where is he?" I asked, looking around and pushing myself up even though Bones complained.

"On the bridge, performing your duties." He said.

"Am I cleared for duty?" I asked, eager to see him. Bones met my eyes and sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose.

"Would you listen to me if I said no?" He asked, rolling his eyes as I pushed myself off the bed. "Didn't think so."

"Alright, I'm going to quickly change in to a clean uniform and then head to the bridge." I said, a grin plastered on my face.

"And I'm going to have a drink and inform the hobgoblin that you're awake." He grumbled, clapping me on the shoulder.

"Please, don't, I want to surprise him." I said, my smile growing. He stared at me for a second and then it seemed to click.

"Oh god, you aren't…. seriously? Him?" He yelled, I waved him off, running out of the med bay and getting changed quickly.

"Keptin on ze bridge!" Chekov yelled, looking ecstatic. I looked over at the surprised Vulcan in my chair, smirking and meeting his eyes. My smile fell when I saw no emotion, not even relief on his face. Fuck, I was poisoned, for all I know that kiss was a hallucination. I cleared my throat, composing myself before suddenly being overwhelmed by emotion.

"Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm alright, and now I'm going to my quarters under the doctor's orders. I'll see you all tomorrow." I said quietly, spinning on my heel and leaving just as quickly as I had entered. The second I was in my quarters again I collapsed against the wall, clenching my eyes shut as I felt a long overdue sob rip its way from my throat. The door beeped and I swore, wiping at my face so Bones wouldn't know that I was crying over Spock. I was still sniffling, trying to wipe away the rest of the tears that just wouldn't _stop_ when the door opened and Spock walked in.

"You stole the medical override." I said quietly, chuckling and shaking my head as the door closed behind him. He tilted his head, eyes examining my face.

"Illogical. I know you, Captain, and I know you would not bother heeding the Doctor's orders. So I called him and he told me he did not issue any orders so you are avoiding something or someone. He gave me the override code to come check on you." I pressed my eyes closed, damn, I hate when he figures me out so easily.

"What do you want, Spock?" I asked quietly, keeping my eyes closed.

"Why did you look happy when you arrived on the bridge and then look…. Broken when you saw me?" He asked. I groaned, opening my eyes to see him just watching me. I looked away before biting my lip and taking a leap of faith.

"Did we kiss?" I whispered. His footsteps quietly padded across the floor and suddenly his hand gently pulled on my chin. He kneeled in front of my, the sweetest expression on his face as he ran his knuckles against my cheek.

"Would you like to again?" He asked, a smile tugging at his lips. I nodded once and threw my arms around his neck, kissing him gently as tears of relief took the place of my sadness. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me forward until I was straddling him as we held each other close.

_Love you… I love you so much Spock._ I whispered in my mind, knowing he heard as he pulled away, looking at me in shock.

"Do you… Love me too?" I asked cautiously. Suddenly, he grinned and it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

"My T'hy'la." He whispered, kissing me gently. "Was there ever any doubt?"

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**Alright, I hope everyone enjoyed it, thank you for reading and please review!**


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